In short, I think awareness comes to fruition when we focus our attention. Attention to ourselves, attention to light, attention to breath, attention to nature, attention to senses, attention to emotions, attention to others. Attention to anything and everything.
I think awareness comes easily when we are suffering. We notice and feel the gut rendering pain and our emotional fragility right to our core. In times of pain, we can find it all-consuming. Sometimes I find myself unable to be aware of anything else.
We so often punish ourselves for feeling pain, for feeling overwhelmed, for being vulnerable. Cruel and unhelpful thoughts run through our minds like a never-ending treadmill. But we are aware, aren't we? We are so hyper-aware that we can struggle to escape from it. I can easily think of times of despair, times of hurt, I can vividly picture moments of betrayal and I can remember the emotion triggered. There is a complete awareness of the pain.
Now I promise this post isn't all about pain and suffering - I'm hoping by the end of this you will feel beams of sunshine radiating from your face!
So. Think to times when you felt unfettered joy. Does it come to you as vividly? As clearly? As quickly? If it does, congratulations and I think you have already achieved what I am about to try to explain.
In general, I know I am pretty happy for the most part. So why is it more difficult to bring up these moments of joy? I think it's about awareness
I have a tendency when in a positive place, whether that place is joy, stillness, calm, love [insert any positive feeling], to not pay full attention. I don't sit with it. I don't soak it in. I could sit and sob into my pillow when feeling low and wallow in my pain for hours but when it comes to joy? I am absolutely guilty of taking it for granted.
But what about when the light hits that cloud just right? Or when that water hits my face in the morning in exactly the way I need? Or that hug I received that squeezed me in all the right places? Or that smile someone returned when I smiled at them? Or that first breath of fresh air in my lungs when I go out onto my roof (very topical)? Or that sunlight so bright that it makes my eyes squint? That uncontrollable fit of laughter that induces a double chin and witch-like cackle? That conversation where you can feel the energy of it vibrating through you? That smell of a coffee in the morning that feels so wonderfully comfortable? That feeling when you crack your back and it feels like something has been released that you didn't even know needed releasing? The feeling when we are in the presence of people that value us for exactly who we are? The times when we feel great about ourselves, just because?
If we don't notice them, the moments become fleeting and we can all too easily forget them. These moments of positivity are there, all the time. But my point is we have to practice the awareness to notice them. To sit with them for a while. So then, we can recall them when we need to, in moments when we might feel a bit lost. We can remember the moments of pure joy. The more we train ourselves to start noticing these moments, the more they will appear and the easier it becomes. If we focus the same attention we give to moments of pain, to the focus of our joy we can become more balanced and can recall the ease and readiness of joy more easily.
It's not an easy thing by any stretch of the imagination. And we can falter and fall regularly. But the more often we fail and learn the more innate it will become. Sit with them, soak them up, wring out the moment and absorb every last inch of it. Attend to your happy in the same way you attend to your pain and when the pain next surfaces, it might make things a little easier.
So go forth and experience all the joy your day has to offer you! And if today is a sucky day for you, be confident that emotions are fleeting, every emotion is valid, and finally, you have a light that is there and it will be there when you need it.