A brief overview: (I'm not going into detail about my lockdown experience but if anyone would like further information just give me a shout) I've been in lockdown for seven weeks, which has consisted of only being able to leave the house for an essential food shop. We haven't been able to go for a walk until yesterday (more on that later) but things are tentatively hopeful with some regions in Spain heading into 'phase one' of the de-escalation period from next week.
The thing that's striking me at the moment is that there was a clear beginning to confinement. We could see it coming and we were given about 24 hours to prepare for the confinement. The day is clear in my mind, the uncertainty was palpable and what lay ahead was completely unknown.
In the grand scheme of things, I've managed pretty well (even if I do say so myself). So much so that I think I will miss some things about this time. I've learnt more in this concentrated period of time than I have at any other time. I've connected with people in challenging but different ways, and those who I have connected with deeply I have infinitely stronger connections with. I have taken up new skills. I have read like I never have before. I have progressed in my language learning. I have met new people. I have and will not ever be of the thinking that my life during these seven weeks hasn't been enriched. My life has been full and rich because of the values and principles I hold (more on this in another blog post).
From the very beginning, I made a clear decision: I am not in control of what is going to happen over the next few months, the only thing I can control is how I react to this. I am choosing to react positively, I am choosing to utilise the time and I am choosing to be grateful for it.
Once I made that decision, of course, I ran into blocks, but having that decision as a clear commitment for the time period made it easier to return to this sense of choice. Always having a choice. Returning to this idea and getting it to stick has to be purposeful, it doesn't just happen overnight, it takes awareness, observation, reflection and action. It takes all of these things and they need to be done consistently. That's not to say you won't drop the ball every once and a while because that happens regularly but the progress will come if you stick at it.
As I mentioned earlier, yesterday was the first time I could go for a walk. A way I have described it to people is that I appreciated fully the opportunity to be able to be outside, but I cannot say I enjoyed the experience. There was such a concentrated amount of people in one area and it was difficult to find the space I needed in order to feel safe. There were people running, cycling, in groups, panting, heavy breathing, a few people spitting here and there which, even in normal circumstances, I'm not a fan of. All in all, I think the experience was overwhelming. Sensory overload. I heard everything more loudly and clearly, down to the crunch of leaves under my shoes, the birds singing, the music, the bikes spokes turning. I saw everything, the multitude of types of trees, the shapes of the leaves, the colours of the flowers, the ripples in the water, the shadows of light on the floor. The feeling of a surface other than cold stone or concrete under my feet, but instead being met by forgiving grass. The smell of the blossom, the feel of the air in my lungs.
It was all there but paired with an intense feeling of being trapped. After seven weeks of complete control (even though in a confined space), I suddenly had a complete lack of control over the actions of other people. Normally this would never be a problem but after nearly two months, it was a stark contrast. But at that moment again, I steeled myself and reminded myself I have the choice here. The choice of how to react and how I am going to spend this time. I stayed off the path and concentrated on what I could do to feel the balance I needed to. I was completely exhausted by the end of it but as I said before, completely appreciative.
The de-escalations are beginning but there will not be a clear endpoint. There will not be a day where we can suddenly all return to 'normal'. There won't be a day when lockdown ends and we can go back to what it was before. 'Normal' no longer exists but a new 'normal' will appear. and that is something to be intrigued and excited about if you can. I am focused on taking and appreciating fully each stage of new freedom and ensuring I enjoy this freedom because we simply cannot predict what will happen next and we won't be able to for some time.
I really hope this is more optimistic than gloomy but I just wanted to put words to the thoughts that I have been working through recently. In summary, my main takeaways:
- In every single thing you are confronted with, how you react is your choice. And you can change the outcome of so many things just by choosing to react differently.
- Be kind and extremely patient with yourself when venturing into your new areas of freedom, it may feel just as overwhelming as when you entered lockdown.
- Don't strive for returning to normal, because at least for now, that normality cannot and will not exist, instead, I would urge you to be excited about the new normality and focus on how your life can be just as rich and full as before (I'm going to write another post on this but if you want to get started on how I think you can do this, please ask!)
It's going to be weird, but, in the long run, it is going to be good. I am 100% confident of that.