And maybe that in itself is enough of a message. To cherish it all. Every breath. Every smile. Every meeting. Every face to face conversation. Every hug. Every kiss. Every moment. We need to live it. And live it fully. Because if there is one thing I have learned, we cannot predict if we will be lucky enough to have it again.
The last time I saw my family was just after New Year. I left pretty excited to get back to Sevilla and in my head, I had lots of family and friends visiting in March/April. It wasn't that long to wait. I'd probably be going home for a couple of weeks during the summer too and after that, Christmas would roll around.. There was an abundance of choice too. I could travel back for the weekend. A friend could come and visit mid-week. I could get a last-minute flight to surprise someone for their birthday. If someone was to become ill, I could be there within 24 hours.
I feel like I'm in a bit of a weird position because in some ways it must be easier for me. I am already at a distance from my family. My way of communicating with them was already being done virtually. I'm not able to be with them in person, I wasn't able to see them regularly. So I do not have the pain of seeing them in person and not be able to hug them. That is a pain I hope I never have to experience. But although all of the above is true. All of it was a choice. If I changed my mind, I could see them. I could be with them.
6 months later, that choice is no longer there. We have absolutely no control over what is going to happen next, when it will happen and how long things will stay as they are. Yes, restrictions are being lifted but there is a lingering sense that things are not going to go back to 'normality' for what feels like an indefinite amount of time. And that is not pessimistic, it is the stark reality of what the entire world is facing.
I didn't realise the breakfast I had with my best friend would be the last time I shared a meal with her for a long time.
I didn't realise the last day I spent with my nieces would be the last time I would see them for a long time.
I didn't realise the last time I lay on my brother's bed talking to him about the year ahead that it would be the last time I would do that for a long time.
I didn't realise the last lunch I had with my sister would be the last time I would do that for a long time.
I didn't realise a coffee I shared with my dad would be the last time I would share some time with him for a long time.
I didn't realise that hugging and saying goodbye to my family hurriedly at the outside of an airport would be the last time I would hug them for a long time.
I hope when the moment comes and I am able to do all of those things again, that they will be ingrained deeply and I hope the appreciation and attention to the moment do not go away. I am now on a mission to consistently try to cherish each and every moment. Every aspect of every moment. Every single bit of life that there is, to cherish it. To feel it. To remember it. My first hug after quarantine is a hug I know I will never forget. Quarantine highlighted the things I value and for that, I am indebted and I will not see it as something that has robbed me of anything because there is so much value in what I (and I think we as a collective) have learned.
Here's to a life going forward where each and every hug is a cherished moment, to remember that it is not a luxury we can take for granted. And that when the choice is taken from us, the things that we miss the most, are in the moments, not in the things.
